You did it! It was a long time coming. You struggled with the decision, but you did it! You signed up for therapy! You know how important this decision is, not only for you, but for your family, your community, and your people as a whole. Your ancestors are proud! You showed up to your first session nervous, but excited to see how this turns out for you.

It’s been 3 months now and you feel worse than you did before. You question yourself thinking "why isn't this working?! Is this the right therapist for me? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?

The truth is that many people are not fully aware of what the process of therapy entails, how to prepare for it, and what to expect during treatment. For those who have some idea of what therapy looks like, it is often fantasized as time spent laying on a big expensive fluffy couch, discovering new and exciting things about oneself, and walking out a new and healed version of you. This could not be further from the truth. The outcome of your treatment depends largely on your willingness to engage in the process, which may, at times, result in considerable discomfort.

"In the pursuit of true healing, discomfort cannot be avoided." - Dalia Kinsey

In other words, this journey will not be easy and there will be times when you feel like you want to quit. To avoid early termination of the therapeutic process, you must start therapy knowing what to expect and you must have a compelling why. Why did you decide to engage in therapy? If it is solely because "everybody else is doing it" or "your partner told you to get help before they end the relationship" then you will not have positive treatment outcomes. You have to do this for you and only you. You must have a deep inner desire for change and healing.

Listed below are 6 steps to get the most out of your therapy journey:

1. Do Your Research

Just as with any other endeavor you embark upon in life, you should have some understanding of what to expect. Would you book a trip out of country, an Air BnB, or a cruise without doing some research of what you plan to experience? Therapy is no different. Take the time to research different types of therapists and different treatment approaches. Ask yourself what would an ideal therapist look like to you? Would they be trauma-informed? Would they share similar parts of your identity and culture? It is imperative that you do the right preparation work before committing to the therapy process.

2. Commit to The Process and Remain Consistent

Opening up to someone new is not an easy task; however, it is important to be vulnerable to the therapeutic process. One of the great things about therapy is that it provides a safe, judgment-free space for you to be totally honest with your therapist and with yourself. Some things might be difficult to talk about, even in therapy. Keep in mind that your therapist’s ability to help is limited by how honest you are with them. By practicing honesty and vulnerability, you are giving yourself the opportunity to grow and heal.

Do your best to attend sessions regularly and on time. Typically, this will be once a week, although you and your therapist might decide that something more or less frequent will be appropriate. Missing appointments frequently will likely impede your progress.

As mentioned before, this journey will be difficult and there will be times that you feel like you want to quit. If you have been in therapy for a significant period and have not experienced any level of discomfort, I would challenge the idea that you are benefiting from the process. The outcome of your treatment depends on the amount of effort you put into the work and your willingness to engage in the process. In other words, you get out what you put in. The destination is rewarding, but the journey is where transformation occurs.

3. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions

As a result of this country's history of slavery, race-related crimes, and colonization, BIPOC have adapted the survival behavior of suppressing and dissociating from our emotions. We give honor to our ancestors for their ability to survive and pass those survival strategies to generations after them. However, we must move beyond survival and embrace intentional living. The first act of liberation is to free your emotions! Sit with your emotions when they arise. Lean into them, explore them, reflect and journal what comes up for you. Bring them into the therapy session to process and gain insight into inner core issues you are struggling with.

4. Stop Overthinking and Intellectualizing

Due to our habit of suppressing and dissociating ourselves from our emotions, we often show up to therapy in search of the quickest method to get through the journey. When this is not possible, we may fall into the habit of overthinking or creating our own theories of why we are experiencing our discomfort and suffering. We are in desperate need to understand the chaos in our minds. However, these behaviors often hinder the process of healing. Slow down and trust the process. Healing takes time.

5. Follow the Treatment Plan

You and your therapist will work collaboratively to create a treatment plan. Your treatment plan is compiled of goals and objectives to achieve positive treatment outcomes. Hold yourself accountable to the objectives and actions steps expected of you to achieve your healing. You will be expected to do much more than attend your 45-minute session per week. The real work takes place outside of the session and in your daily living.

6. Reflect and explore when you experience resistance.

There may come a time when you are faced with the task of doing something expected of you in therapy and you just don’t want to do it. Maybe you are in session one day and start to realize just how much you hate your therapist and this whole idea of therapy. You may ask yourself “why did I even sign up for this?!

Maybe you have convinced yourself that your therapist is not doing enough and that it is their fault that you are not healing. You have set unrealistic expectations of your therapist which you low-key know they will never be able to fulfill. You have been through tons of therapists, and they were all horrible! So, you’ve given up on your healing journey

I hate to be the one to tell you this; but it’s not them, it’s you. You are engaging in self-sabotage. You want the healing, but every time you start the journey, something happens that hinders the process. The “something” is called resistance. In therapy, resistance is the unconscious (meaning you are not fully aware of your intentions) behaviors that hinder or thwart your healing and growth on your journey.

A seasoned therapist will be able to acknowledge when you are engaging in resistance during your sessions. Once aware of these behaviors, reflect and explore them. Allow yourself to develop insight into the fears that are lurking behind them.

Conclusion

Your therapy journey will (if you are intentional about it) be one of the most life changing experiences you will ever embark upon. Love yourself enough to stay committed to the process and receive your healing!