Empowered Holidays: 5 Boundaries for BIPOC Well-Being This Christmas Season
The holiday season is a time for joy, celebration, and coming together with loved ones. However, for many BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) individuals, it can also be a time filled with stress, pressure, and uncomfortable situations. Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining your peace, sense of self, and preserving your mental and emotional well-being. In this blog post, we'll explore 10 boundaries for BIPOC people to implement during the holidays, promoting liberation, self-respect, and avoid anyone from “catching these hands” during your holiday season.
Make it known that you are in control of what you celebrate and how you choose to celebrate it.
Growing up in a traditional Black American family, I know the struggle to assert yourself and advocate for your ability to choose your beliefs, values, and identity. Due to the history of racial and historical trauma among BIPOC individuals, many family members are unconsciously frightened for their loved ones to stray away from the very beliefs, behaviors, and ways of living that our ancestors once adopted for means of survival. However, as you continue to fight to find liberation and the ability thrive in this world, you must not allow yourself to be held back by your family member’s unconscious and deeply rooted fears. BIPOC individuals should feel empowered to choose which holidays they celebrate and which events they attend. There's no need to defend these choices or seek acceptance from others. Your cultural or personal preferences are valid, and you have the right to celebrate in a way that resonates with you.
Make it known that your physical space and body is just that: YOURS.
I know many individuals who have grown up in families that have the belief that if your elder or family member has requested a hug or embrace from you, it would be disrespectful to not comply. I have implemented physical boundaries for both myself and my children with my family and loved ones that requires for any physical touch to be asked for and approved before initiated. Additionally, if either myself or my child indicates that they requested physical touch is unwelcome, there should be no follow-up questions or comments. Implementing physical boundaries for yourself and your children is essential for emotional wellness and liberation of the body and mind. No one should feel pressured to give hugs, kisses, or engage in any physical touch that is unwelcome. Respecting personal space is essential for fostering a comfortable and safe environment during gatherings.
Make it known that your body is to be respected at ALL times.
Growing up, for some odd reason, weight and body types was a frequent topic of discussion in my household. As a child, I was often reminded of how skinny I was and how I needed to eat more to “add some meat on my bones.” Then as an adult, I was “too fat” and I needed to take better care of myself. For some its your texture of hair that is often commented on, or how long it is or how laid your baby hairs should be. Weight, body type and image, and eating habits are deeply personal topics. Make it clear that it is never acceptable to comment on someone's body type, weight, or eating choices. Celebrate the diversity of bodies and emphasize that everyone's worth is not determined by their size, shape, or appearance.
Make it known that your personal life and the way you live it “ain’t nobody business.”
I know that the grandmommas and aunties may not mean any harm by reminding you at every holiday event that your time clock is ticking and you need to find a man and have a child with the swiftness. However, respectfully, choosing to be single or committed, having a child or remain dedicated to your own time should not be a topic of discussion unless you decide to bring it up. It really is no one’s business or right to remark on how you choose to live your life! Marital status, parenthood, and personal relationships should not be up for discussion unless initiated by the individual. Pressure to marry, divorce, have children, or reveal one's sexual orientation is unacceptable. Everyone deserves the autonomy to make these personal decisions without external influence.
Make it known that you ain’t got no time for the drama this holiday season.
Most of us can expect something to inevitably pop off during our family gatherings. I remember, during one of my great-grandparent’s yearly birthday gatherings, my grandfather and his siblings were almost in a full-out brawl. And while some of us might find that type of drama entertaining, I promise you won’t feel that way when you are the one involved in the brawl. The holidays are not the time or place to address unresolved family conflicts. Discussing sensitive issues in front of unrelated parties is unproductive and can create tension. Save these conversations for a more appropriate time and setting. At the same time, do not allow yourself to be pressured to invite specific family members or force yourself to interact with those you may have had negative experiences with. The process of forgiveness is deeply personal and should not be rushed or intruded upon. Allow yourself the space to navigate their relationships on their terms.
We must not forget the true purpose of family gatherings during the holidays which is to spend quality and intimate time with loved ones. By setting these boundaries, you can create a space that fosters love, understanding, and joy. The holidays should be a time of celebration, not stress or discomfort. Embrace the liberation and power you have to choose your own path, respect personal boundaries, and focus on building connections that nourish the soul. Together, let's make the holiday season a time of genuine warmth and togetherness.